Michelle Knight. Writer, photographer, programmer, truck driver and general, all round nut case. Life is a journey and that's what this blog will probably end up being. Let's see where we go, eh? ;-)
OK - I wrote a piece last night which has gone on hiatus until certain events happen around here. It's not like I've made a premonition and tucked it in an envelope, but rather I want to bring some experiences and lessons I've learned out, but I don't want to affect anything that's about to happen on Twitter. Long story, the schedule is ... *glances at calender* ... probably 26th July that everything should be clear.
There is no doubt in my situation. I'm depressed, and I'm putting in too much sitting time and not enough activity. So, how do I dig myself out of this hole?
I know that health is a two-way thing. Controlling diet on its own doesn't work. Fitness has to happen also. Last year I was 12 stone (76 kilo ) Now I'm 13st 11lb (roughly 87 kilo) and there are a number of reasons behind that. One of which is a marathon 200,000+ words published within 12 months, mostly written during weekends, while doing a 9-5 and a 2 hours driving commute.
Also, the depression hasn't helped with the diet. Being a submissive with low self-esteem and no guide through life also means I have no purpose; the only consequence in my failings is to myself.
I've tried to find a Dominant, but I'm on the losing end there. Haven't totally given up hope, but even my attempts to get creative have failed to put me on anyone's radar. At least, no one in my liveable area.
The last words I had with my last Master before His death were...
"Take care L."
"I mean it L. Take care."
So that was ten years ago. There are still little rituals that I do in life to pay tribute ... but it's hard to maintain self-determination in my position.
But do it ... I must.
I'm not one for fitness trackers. A few colleagues have got them and they don't do that much. Merely give them information that they already know; but a sale e-mail came in to my e-mail this morning, along with an appointment change for my endocrynology appointment in a few months time. I've already planned a walking holiday with a friend, and indeed he will arrive here this afternoon and if the weather stays good tomorrow, we'll get a days walking in, well ahead of the weeks walking planned some weeks down the line.
So ... I ended up with a Jawbone UP24 as rather than simply record things, it has the capability to input in to my routine; vibrate when I've been sitting too long, wake me up while I'm in a good cycle of sleep, etc. so for £50, I'm taking the risk.
How will I cope with the depression and self worth issues? I don't know. However, I am known within the scene as being someone worth helping; someone who is, "real," rather than a fantasist ... so word will slowly get around in ways other than the usual social media routes.
I do ... however ... have a plan...